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Posted by Lucilla on December 29th, 2020

Control and Responsibility

Dear Daughter,

In an earlier letter we discussed the ideas of control and responsibility. Lets go a little much deeper with these essential ideas.

If you ever discover that someones habits is driving you nuts, please slow down and think about the possibility of control issues on your part. Did you understand that it is possible for you to try to manage another individual and not even be aware of what you are doing? It is something you require to know and understand in order to avoid bad relationships and increase your capability to establish good relationships.

Does it upset you when you hear someone chatter. Does it upset you when somebody acts as if they are much better than everyone else, or if someone is disrespectful? These things can be annoying, however if you remain irritated longer than the majority of other individuals, stop and consider the possibility of control concerns.

When you are upset by another persons habits, its usually due to the fact that they are not behaving the method you think they must act. You may understand what the person is doing wrong and what they need to or need to refrain from doing. It may be clear to you that the individuals habits is harmful. If they would just do as you say they would be much better off. You wish to assist this individual and it drives you nuts that they will not listen.

Keep in mind that you can not manage another individual. You can make recommendations, however you cant manage the individual and make them act as you believe they should. In truth, the only thing you can manage is your own behavior.

Some of your discomfort may be since you feel responsible for the other individuals habits. You might feel ashamed, almost as if it was your habits. Consider this: If you cant control another individuals habits, how can you be accountable for that behavior? You are not accountable. You are only responsible for your own behavior. You can only manage your own behavior. If another person picks to gossip, be rude, or abuse drugs/ alcohol, keep in mind that they are accountable for that habits, not you. You can not force them to stop due to the fact that you can not control them.

What can you manage and what are you accountable for? You can just manage something and you are only accountable for something, which is your own habits. What can you do in these circumstances?

It is valuable to stop and believe through the situation as it relates to manage and responsibility. If you are upset, is it associated to another individuals behavior? Were you in control of that behavior?

Now that the mind is clear, think of what you can control and what you are accountable for. This would be your own behavior. Now you can stop filling your mind with what the other person is doing and concentrate on what you can do. This eliminates a concern for you and its far more productive. You may select to have a discussion with the individual and let them understand that what you heard sounded rude or big-headed. They may listen and adjust their habits, or you might be overlooked. In either case, you have actually thought it through and picked to act rather than react. You are accountable for your actions and you acted responsibly. Everybody is responsible for their own actions.

What about the individual who feels guilty due to the fact that they made somebody angry? Does it upset you if someone blows up? I expect that many people would feel some feeling. Each person chooses how he or she will respond to a circumstance. In some cases they give it some thought and act, and in some cases they react with little idea.

Did you know that you cant make me mad? Don't get me incorrect, I might blow up, but it will be my option. I am responsible for my own anger. Before you smile too big, understand that you are not off the hook. You are not responsible for my anger, however you are responsible for your behavior that I am reacting to. You see, I have an option. I can become angry and ground you, or I can stay calm and ground you. Thats not an excellent example, is it?

The point is that not just are we responsible for our own actions, however we are likewise accountable for our own responses and feelings [an exception would be the person who experiences a mental illness and a chemical imbalance that affects the emotions]

Often, the individuals around this individual bend over in reverse and walk on eggshells to keep this individual from becoming angry. Of all, the people around this individual are attempting to manage another person. They are attempting to control this persons emotions by doing whatever it takes to keep the person from becoming mad.

Second of all, these individuals are feeling accountable for another individuals feelings. The more the person misbehaves with his/her anger, the more embarrassed the other people end up being.

These individuals are enhancing this individuals unsuitable anger. All the individual needs weddings near me to do is become angry and everyone scrambles to please him or her.

I am not recommending that you should intervene in these situations and purposefully make the individual upset, although that might be fun. I just desire you to be aware of the dynamic and not get captured up in the function of trying to control another individual.

I also desire you to be mindful of this vibrant and avoid attempting to manage another individual or feel accountable for another persons habits. Comprehending the principles of duty and control will be important throughout your life time.

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