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Posted by Mcquiston on December 30th, 2020

Control and Responsibility

Dear Daughter,

In an earlier letter we touched on the ideas of control and duty. Releases a little much deeper with these important ideas.

If you ever discover that somebodies behavior is driving you nuts, please slow down and think about the possibility of control concerns on your part. Did you know that it is possible for you to try to manage another individual and not even be aware of what you are doing? Its extremely possible. This is a typical dynamic in relationships that include drug and alcohol abuse. However, this dynamic is often found in other relationships too. It is something you require to understand and comprehend in order to prevent bad relationships and increase your ability to establish good relationships.

Does it upset you when you hear somebody gossip. Does it upset you when someone acts as if they are better than everyone else, or if somebody is rude? These things can be aggravating, however if you stay inflamed longer https://pbase.com/topics/cynderruyu/15secret467 than most other individuals, stop and consider the possibility of control problems.

When you are upset by another persons behavior, its usually since they are not behaving the way you think they should behave. You may know what the individual is doing incorrect and what they should or ought to refrain from doing. It might be clear to you that the individuals habits is harmful. If they would just do as you state they would be better off. You want to assist this person and it drives you nuts that they will not listen.

Remember that you can not manage another person. You can make ideas, but you cant manage the person and make them act as you believe they should. The only thing you can control is your own behavior.

Some of your pain might be due to the fact that you feel responsible for the other persons behavior. Believe about this: If you cant control another individuals behavior, how can you be accountable for that behavior? If another person picks to chatter, be disrespectful, or abuse drugs/ alcohol, remember that they are accountable for that habits, not you.

What can you manage and what are you responsible for? You can just manage one thing and you are only accountable for something, which is your own behavior. So, what can you carry out in these scenarios?

It is helpful to stop and think through the situation as it relates to manage and obligation. If you are upset, is it related to another individuals habits? Were you in control of that habits?

Now that the mind is clear, think about what you can manage and what you are accountable for. Now you can stop filling your mind with what the other individual is doing and focus on what you can do. You may choose to have a discussion with the person and let them understand that what you heard sounded impolite or big-headed.

What about the individual who feels guilty because they made somebody mad? Does it upset you if someone becomes angry? I suppose that lots of people would feel some emotion. Each person decides how he or she will react to a circumstance. In some cases they provide it some idea and act, and in some cases they react with little thought.

Don't get me wrong, I may become angry, but it will be my choice. I am accountable for my own anger. You are not accountable for my anger, however you are accountable for your habits that I am responding to.

The point is that not only are we accountable for our own actions, however we are also responsible for our own reactions and emotions [an exception would be the person who experiences a mental disorder and a chemical imbalance that affects the feelings]

Have you ever understood someone who is quickly outraged? Frequently, the people around this person bend over backwards and walk on eggshells to keep this individual from blowing up. There are several things occurring here. Firstly, the people around this individual are attempting to control another individual. Do you see it? They think that it is finest if this individual does not blow up. They are attempting to manage this persons feelings by doing whatever it requires to keep the individual from blowing up. The problem is that all of this effort takes a toll on these individuals and they are miserable. It is frustrating due to the fact that they are trying to do the difficult, that is, control another person.

Secondly, these people are feeling accountable for another persons feelings. The more the individual misbehaves with his or her anger, the more ashamed the other individuals end up being.

These people are enhancing this persons improper anger. All the person has to do is become angry and everyone scrambles to please him or her.

I am not recommending that you ought to intervene in these scenarios and purposefully make the person upset, although that may be enjoyable. I simply desire you to be familiar with the vibrant and not get captured up in the function of trying to manage another person.

I also desire you to be conscious of this dynamic and prevent trying to manage another person or feel responsible for another persons behavior. Understanding the concepts of obligation and control will be important throughout your lifetime.

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