Daughters who did not receive love: how are their emotional relationships?

Posted by Rohit kumar on March 13th, 2021

Many of those daughters who did not receive love in childhood live in silence their suffering in adulthood. Inattention, abandonment, narcissistic parents ... There are several dynamics and realities capable of leaving permanent wounds in the children's psychological tissue. All these early affective injuries usually have their later impact in the couple's sphere.

As we already know, fatherhood and motherhood are often far from perfect, it is true. So much so, that more than one could give their testimony to show that the affection of a mother can sometimes be conditional. Also that a father's respect for his children is not always so exemplary. However, in this particular case, we are interested in understanding a fact that usually arouses considerable interest.

How are the couple relationships in those women who suffered deficiencies by their family in childhood? How do they live, feel, and handle love in adulthood? Let's dive into it below.

Challenges in emotional matters that define daughters who did not receive love

There is a very unique baggage that many unloved daughters carry and that accompanies them into adulthood. When you look in the rear-view mirror of your own life, what you see is almost always a past full of disappointments, deep voids, and sharp rejections that left wounds not yet healed. People create our life stories based on previous experiences.

When those models from which we nourish ourselves start from a childhood of emotional coldness, lack of love, or even psychological abuse, it is common to integrate distorted and even wrong schemes. For example, many of these daughters who did not receive love in their childhood may consider abusive behavior valid on the part of their partners.

They do it because it is the only thing they have ever known. They accept contempt, blackmail, and even hatred in schools because that is what they had from very early on. It is not easy to open your eyes to these realities. It is not easy to understand that authentic love does not work that way and that we should all aspire to something better. Let's discuss more features.

Insecure attachment in daughters who did not receive love

Peg Streep is an American author who has spent more than 20 years studying the reality of those women who were not loved by their mothers in childhood. In his book

Insecurity, the constant contradiction in which attention is sometimes received, indifference, and sometimes criticism and contempt can cause one of these three behavior patterns to develop in adulthood in the relational sphere. They are as follows:

• Anxious-worried effective behavior. Defined by experiencing insecurity, as well as constant anxiety in the affective relationship, feeling fear of abandonment and deception, that at the minimum they will suffer betrayal.

• Disdainful-avoidant. In this case, the woman does not want to establish solid relationships, she avoids them because she prefers to maintain her independence, has control over her life, and thus avoids suffering.
• Fearful-avoidant. In this type of relationship, daughters who did not receive love in childhood become adults who want to have a partner and enjoy intimacy. However, they feel insecure, fear experiencing the same pain as in childhood, and do not hesitate to disappear or end the relationship overnight.

Heartbreak in childhood causes ideas that are not true to be integrated

Spending the first decades of life in the wake of emotional deprivation, maternal and paternal narcissism, criticism or abandonment causes daughters who did not receive love to have distorted ideas about couple relationships. On average, they are usually the following:

• Love is a transaction. You have to suffer to receive affection, even if they are crumbs. Sometimes, even abuse, contempt, manipulation is normalized.
• Emotions and needs must be hidden. If something hurts or disappoints you, you should keep that emotion to yourself. Also, your own needs, what you want is not important. It matters what the other wants.
• Love must be sought wherever. The unloved daughter lacks a sense of belonging to a family of origin. That lack, that dislocation and lack of roots leads her to seek a simile of affection wherever and with whoever. Hence, there is a danger of leading to dependency relationships.

Questions to ask yourself if you were an unloved girl

If you were an unloved girl, you may have gravitated for a long time around people who, far from loving you as you want and need, neglected you as no one deserves. And what you deserve is more than respect and authentic love. You need, first of all, to repair and even build the fabric of self-love and your self-esteem.

Therefore, in these situations, it is good to ask the following questions, questions that should invite us to deep reflections:

• Do I really need to have a partner to be happy?
• What I hope my partners will offer me, does have something to do with the deficiencies I had in childhood?
• What has been, on average, the reason why I often fail in love? What have I learned from those experiences?
• What is love to me? Is that idea that I have healthy, has it benefited me so far?
• What vision do I have of myself? Is there something that I should attend to or resolve to feel better? Have I done it so far?
• If I think about my childhood, what emotions come to me? Sadness, anger, disappointment, fear ...? How do these unhealed emotions and issues affect my relationships?

To conclude, many people have experienced traumatic childhoods. However, the figure of daughters not loved by their mothers, for example, is a topic that is frequently observed. Do not hesitate to request expert help in these situations if we consider it so.