三和一善 | 5 ways to come out helped me build my dream career. Ka Lai Lam

Posted by Kazuyoshi Sanwa on October 12th, 2021

As your career progresses, you will usually pay less attention to what you know, and pay more attention to how to conduct conversations in a way that reveals the truth, so that your peers feel supported and make measurable progress.

My coming out story is timid at best. On a refreshing autumn night in 2005, I quietly switched the \"interested\" details on my Facebook profile to \"men\", nothing more. (Note that this was four years before the like button was invented; Facebook was refreshing at the time). I found it easier to be a man who came out at the beginning of college, and then tied up all the loose endings at home, but the admission to my family was still terrible in the end.

However, in the next few years, my proud merit badge really came in handy. I can take on difficult things in my career. I can better define how I want to appear in my career because I have torn away the band-aids in my personal life. Switching from industry to working for myself, coming out eventually became the professional rocket fuel I never knew I had.

Unfortunately, we do not have consistent data on LGBTQ careers and wealth, but we are getting closer. The past few years have been mixed. One day, we had a report that gay men made 10% of their money (refuting previous research) and lesbians overwhelmed all of us in the workplace, and then the next day UCLA’s Williams study This has provided us with excellent socio-economic research results, showing that we are lagging behind. Queer careers cannot be defined by one stroke.

However, we all have something special, and that is our upcoming rocket fuel. Therefore, to commemorate the National Coming Out Day, which was first established in 1988, I think it would be interesting to reflect on how coming out has shaped my career as a self-made consultant today. Here are my five biggest gains.

1. Respond to career changes head-on

When I told my mom that I like Playboy, I already took the risk of all this, so why not play with more burning torches in the next few years? My career path as a self-employed consultant at the age of 34 is very strange.

First of all, I avoided engineering education and instead obtained two degrees in classical French horn. (I attribute this to seeing Mr. Holland\'s work too many times on VHS.) I finally realized that a career in French horn means playing dead music for more than 40 years and never talking at work, so I threw it all away and started with retail management from scratch. After 14 years of scales and arpeggios, suspender yoga pants feel so innovative.

It is terrible to completely change the industry, but coming out taught me that I will survive. I later switched to working with small businesses, where I discovered my love for writing and digital marketing. Following the path that makes you your true self may be like a roller coaster, but never pursuing it and working hard will mean giving up yourself altogether. I won\'t have any other way.

2. Take big risks

Curiously exploring working for myself, I decided to jump into the life of an entrepreneur. You guys-I did a terrible job. Obviously, you need to optimize this thing called sales to make the business fly. Oops! I immediately ran out of my life savings and was forced to return to the life of a manager.

But the itch has been caught, and I can\'t let it go. Once you have tasted the intoxicating taste of being your true self, you will always want it, and in every part of your life, it becomes impossible to ignore. (Chart A: The big resignation made almost everyone rethink their careers.)

Jumping a boat too early is a costly mistake. But learning the ins and outs of small business consulting allows me to work overtime on the basis of daily work, gain experience and improve. Coming out means showing your true self and being willing to accept any results. Every time you do this, you will be more confident that you can tide over the difficulties.

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3. Motivate yourself (but be cautious)

As the psychologist Danny Downs pointed out in his 2012 book \"The Velvet Rage\", gay men encounter two things in the process of self-acceptance. The main obstacle. The first step is the actual process. Although it is scary, it is very clear.

However, the second involves overcoming our inherent compensation triggers to make up for feelings of error, badness, or inadequacy. From pursuing an ultra-manly physique in the gym to gaining an impeccable reputation at work, overcompensation is an empty success, usually fueled by self-flagellation and self-loathing.

Many gay men have never crossed this second barrier because our identities are intertwined with the way we work. I am still trying to solve this problem. Like many ambitious people, self-whipping gave me everything I wanted early in my career, so it\'s hard to let go, but I have done it.

Quite a lot of personal investigation is required to determine why you are so ambitious and motivated. Is it really because you love what you do, or is there some hidden shame running this show quietly? Keep in touch with your reasons.