Understanding your child’s behavourPosted by Ruby Grace on May 14th, 2019 All parents wonder at times whether their child’s behaviour is normal. Kids at every age exhibit embarrassing or frustrating behaviours: whining, tantrums, bathroom talk, swearing, or bossiness. These behaviours test your patience and can leave you at your wit’s end. As much as you cherish your child, his actions can make you feel uncomfortable and vulnerable to other people’s criticism.
Parents ask: “Why is he doing this?”, “Will she outgrow this?”, “What should I do?” For each challenging behaviour, parents struggle with what is normal, what is acceptable, and how to deal with it. Sometimes it’s difficult to tell the difference between unacceptable behaviour and normal development.
Is This Behaviour Normal?
It’s tough to know what behaviour is “normal” without considering the context or intensity as well as the behaviour itself. Behaviours may become “abnormal” if they last too long, if they occur at the wrong time or place, or if they are exceed acceptable limits. Behaviours that interfere with daily routines may also be abnormal. Clearly, it is important to catch and change these behaviours early.
Parents often turn to one another when their child’s behaviour overwhelms them. It is important to reach for support and voice your concerns. This helps you focus on the behaviour rather than your own embarrassment. The ages listed here are approximate guidelines. The behaviours listed occur most frequently but are not limited to these ages. Behaviours may reappear at any time, particularly in times of stress
Comparing Behaviours
Some parents find certain behaviours tolerable or even lovable at home but find them uncomfortable in the public’s eye. Other parents struggle with the sense that their child just doesn’t “fit the mould.” Still others need to discipline behaviours that are unacceptable or unsafe. Take comfort in the fact that all children misbehave sometimes. Children act in different ways and parents struggle with how to respond. Although you can’t predict when a negative behavior will arise, how you react affects how long the behavior continues. Children simply outgrow some behaviours. Most children will fight or bluff, act shy or talk back at some point. Most outgrow it without special effort on your part.
Responding To Your Child
Although each child and situation is different, there are basic guidelines for dealing with troubling behaviours. First, keep your child and others safe. Stay close to help your child gain control of his behaviour or to establish limits.It may be effective to ignore certain behaviours such as whining or bathroom talk when they first occur. Later, talk it over with your child. “Those words can hurt people’s feelings and our family doesn’t use them.” Other behaviours may be better handled by redirection. “I know you’re angry but I can’t let you bang on the TV. You can hit this big pillow all you want.” Redirection helps provide a solution for each of you. Similarly, certain situations are best diffused before they get out of hand. When you see your ten- year-old about to explode because he’s been left out and teased, step in to relieve the pressure. Offer an substitute action to all the children. “Why don’t we all play Capture The Flag now?”
Help your child face the consequences of his actions. This may be uncomfortable for your child but it is important to give him clear guidance and the opportunity to set things right. “Kevin, we need to take this candy back to the store and explain to the clerk you didn’t pay for it.” Make it clear to your child that stealing the candy was unacceptable and he must face the consequences.
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