Conflict, Leading Not ReactingPosted by Marshall Martinussen on February 18th, 2021 The line of concrete trucks was growing ever longer as I watchfully stood on the testing technician. This was the next time he'd run test plus it was failing again. I was gonna have to tell the superintendent that I would reject this load of concrete. As the chief inspector on site, it absolutely was my responsibility in order to guarantee that the concrete met the specifications. I knew the contractor a short temper and I wasn't looking forward to this. Nevertheless, I attempted to locate him. I found him atop a concrete truck shouting orders and directing traffic (think Gen George S. Patton located on a barrel inside a muddy intersection). I yelled within the rumbling machinery that the load of concrete didn't pass. I was rejecting your truck. He vehemently did start to argue his case, but I was resolute. The failed tests weren't even close. Once he realized I wasn't going to budge, he leapt off the truck and into my "personal space" (a la Billy Martin) yelling and calling my loved ones and I several colorful names. Before it was over he previously kicked dirt on me, I had rejected other trucks and learned other "colorful adjectives." As badly because this conflict was handled, (I was the photo of calm in the mean time not commenting on his not enough education or height, too frequently) the contractor and I could actually move beyond it and form a robust working relationship. I learned a lot about conflict using this incident, its aftermath and by watching how a variety of people handled themselves during such disagreements. While the contractor and I didn't hold much back, we did move past our outage. Organizational therapist Ken Utech states, "the concern is not whether conflict exists, it's about how effectively and exactly how quickly conflict gets processed." All organizations exist on the spectrum of conflict "mastery." Some don't even acknowledge tensions exist, i.e. the "Conspiracy of Civility," and others allow chaotic and caustic dynamics to rule. Both are erosive and both of them are equally dangerous to productivity. Interestingly, the outcome of both sides with the spectrum are nearly a similar, only packaged differently. So, exactly what does it take to strike an equilibrium rather than only handle conflict well but harness it to make growth? To improve in our conflict mastery, it will require skill, courage plus some practice. While there is no formula for how to succeed in turning the tables on conflict, there are some principals that may work as blaze marks on this trail. We must cast conflict in a very new light. No all conflict is detrimental. So how can we evaluate which could be the good, the bad as well as the ugly of conflict? Firstly, for our purposes let's just assume bad conflict is going to get ugly (the movie metaphor is just too big good to feed up). Bad conflict is personal, unproductive, and derisive. Bad conflict takes place when the issue at hand is not the main driving force in the disconnect. When past arguments, personality friction and hidden agendas (e.g. attempting to make a colleague look bad in front in the boss) are the real reason behind your dream, everything is going badly. Watching a colleague that constantly plays devil's advocate is instructive. People eventually quit actually talking to him while he doesn't seem committed to anything. It can't be purely an intellectual exercise, and merely playing the devil's advocate will wear thin whether it becomes a modus operandi. Good conflict exists if you have tension concerning the issues then when the conflict isn't only a fruitful intellectual debate yet it's also attended by individuals who care in regards to the outcome. It's good to get passionate providing we can live in control of ourselves. Leaders must venture into the unknown. I've witnessed anything from massive inefficiency inside the work place to folks actually getting killed because an interpersonal conflict wasn't resolved properly. Clearly, we hope that lives are not at stake with your business; nevertheless, any conflict that is left smoldering and unaddressed is creating drag on your business. Like barnacles growing about the bottom of your sail boat, conflict eats into the performance of your organization over time. Old grudges and turf wars are hard to uproot and deal with. Leadership must display the courage to take off for other places where my own mail to look. The elephant inside room has to be shot! Who is prepared to use up the hunt? If not the leadership, then hope is fading fast. It never ceases to amaze me the amount as being a leader a corporation can be. I've worked with clients who have leadership which is unwilling to cope with touchy issues and the whole organization begun to walk on egg shells around the tough talks that they should have been having. A leader have to be happy to leap in the unknown of what is bothering or hindering those who follow. This can be scary because were much more comfortable staying in our office plus we do not actually know how things might inflate or if i will be negatively affected. But Nationally accredited mediators is, if and we don't pursue hard issues and cope with them until they're completely resolved, we are really not leading. If description , it's all over. Once we feel the hair on the back of our own necks fully stand up it's already very late in the conflict game. If we can easily't pull out from your brink, we will likely have to execute a great deal of damage control. I know this to be true with my very own family interaction. The angrier I get the "stupider" I get! Often times what appears to be the basis to the conflict really isn't issue. Past baggage, our own issues and forces beyond the stated issue play into what is happening. Sometimes the issue is nothing more than the problem before us, and as some of the force behind the fight is a trivial or substantive phantom driver. Depending on the maturity and social skill from the person that were in conflict with, issues as small as a bad commute to work, not enough sleep or perhaps a fight in your own home can play a tremendous, albeit un-confessed, role in why tension is rising and progress has blocked. It is important for us to stay focused on the facts of the matter. If stuff has already gotten off target we have to redirect the conversation back to the real issue without invalidating the individuals feelings. Remember the last time you attempted to convince someone they "shouldn't feel that way!" That's always great to hear don't you find it? How to best defuse a bomb; the choice is yours off before another individual does. We learn in a young age to not touch the stove when it's hot. We also learn that conflict hurts therefore we safely stay away. There are some that seem less afflicted with conflict and they may be to a extent, but even the thick-skinned among us are affected by the folks crucial that you them. So, how should we make conflict less feared and more positive? I've previously stated that leadership should have the courage to go where my own mail to visit. Being prepared to address two downline that have been in conflict or use a hard talk could be the 1st step. But, to get to second base someone has to get willing to visit deeper and talk regarding the problems or failings that are unconformable to cover. This is getting ALL in the cards around the table. It needs to become clear the last bit of what's driving the disconnect between two different people gets resolved. Leaving something for later will still only allow the problem to fester. We've all experienced the relief that comes from finally talking concerning the elephant in the room. The longer it requires to access that conversation greater difficult it becomes. Again, this goes time for leadership behavior. If we, as leaders, turn a blind eye to problems or become defensive and go ahead and take position of an victim, (I've tried everything, I've needed to strap this complete project on MY back, nobody hears me anymore) then we do not produce the environment where it is safe for folks to approach us with issues or where we've got the credibility to help you others to process conflict. Leveraging tension for growth. Once we are able to embrace these principals and make good using them we are far more good at processing conflict. Once our fear of conflict subsides so we set out to find it inside a more positive light we can start to apply some practical strategies to the best way to process a quarrel. Why is it important for all of us to get in the principals of healthy conflict before stepping into tactics? Because, if we don't, it can be as obvious as day that we're trying to manipulate the situation. People are very keen to being "worked". Just do it with the family to see what happens. So, what will be the nuts and bolts of the way to make a silk purse out of a sow's ear? Let's take a gander. How to operate through the disagreement: o Recognize it for what it really is and become self aware ("is it just me or perhaps it getting hot in here?"). If you start to slip into conflict with someone and you also haven't contemplated your impact on the situation and what exactly is on the line you are probably just reacting instead of thinking things through. Not a good way to travel. Think about the way you are behaving and work to be objective. It's OK to be passionate but base your argument around the issue, not anybody (even if these are like a moron). o Find the most popular ground. There are undoubtedly Online workplace Mediation of what you are arguing about this the two of you concur with: the project needs being produced by the deadline, we're both trying to help this client, neither folks desires to cut employees, etc. Try to build on the commonality and do not major about the minors. Identify root causes and keep boundaries. If you are struggling to comprehend your lover be sure you grasp what's really important to them and why these are resisting your view point. Once you know what you are really working with, work hard to keep the conflict corralled. Don't let it spill over into areas which might be unrelated, even if they are a current irritant. o Work towards a shared vision. Letting go is tough to accomplish, but a majority of sacrifice is going to be necessary for each party to move forward. As a leader, you may frequently be called to offer more than others, however you can't budge on ethics, bedrock strategy or problems that define individual preference plus your organization are. All that said, you need to get better than those you lead at letting go of preferences and private taste in the effort to advance forward. Once a shared vision is attained, reinforce it with superior understanding by both parties involved. Just because you said hello does not mean they heard it. By working through conflict in that manner as to produce a shared vision we actually strengthen the call between people. Like a bone that has been broken and reset, the new bond has the potential of increased strength. Being self aware, finding the regular ground and towards an idea that may be shared by all parties are cornerstones to having the capacity to effectively process conflict. As a leader you has to be able to see things from others' perspectives and in addition not take yourself too seriously. Real mastery is achieved when a leader can move at night need to win the argument to hearing the sides inside them for hours progress by guiding the stakeholders to function together. 2009 Copyright All Rights Reserved Accelerant Consulting GroupLike it? Share it! |