An Unhappy Marriage: How to Know When it's Really Over

Posted by Nick Niesen on October 27th, 2010

It's a fact. There are a lot of people who feel unhappy in their marriage. But the real question many of them are asking themselves is, how do I know when my marriage is really over?

Is it when your spouse says, "I don't love you anymore?" Is it after an affair takes place? How do you REALLY know? Keep reading to find out how to identify the warning signs that often indicate your spouse has given up on your marriage.

First and Foremost: Has your spouse reached The Point of No Return?

What is the Point of No Return in a marriage? Is there such a thing?  After working with couples for over 11 years, I've identified a specific "path" that couples travel on the way to divorce. And at the end of this path is what I call...The Point of No Return.

But I'm getting ahead of myself...let me back up for a second.

In most cases, your marriage is NOT over when:

- Your spouse moves out
- When your spouse says the infamous, "I love you, but I'm not in love with you anymore"
- When your spouse threatens you with divorce

And believe it or not, in some cases, your marriage is NOT even over when...your spouse files for divorce.

Your marriage is NOT over when your spouse begs, pleads, argues, screams, storms out of the house or turns the whole family against you. 
 
Quite the contrary, The Point of No Return in a marriage IS confirmed when your spouse looks at you as if s/he were dead. 

There is no life in your spouse's voice and no life in his/her eyes. Your spouse doesn't get angry with you. S/he simply tells you when the divorce papers are going to be served. S/he's already gone to the court house, found an attorney and has a service date set for the divorce proceedings.

Your marriage is most likely over when your spouse has made complete lists of assets and debts with your both of your names on them.  Your spouse has already decided on the custody plan and cleaned out any bank accounts with their name and yours and closed all the credit cards that you share. 

Your spouse has reached The Point of No Return when s/he already knows the courts require a 120 day waiting period and s/he has emotionally bolted him/herself in place for the long wait.

You've gone WAY beyond an "unhappy marriage" when your spouse has talked many times to the children about divorce and they are now either scared, angry, hurt, confused or emotionally shut down. 

There's a good chance your marriage is over when your spouse doesn't care about how your children feel about it.  S/he is only acting for his/her own survival at this point and s/he has repeatedly convinced him/herself that "The kids are good, they'll be fine." S/he may have even said that to friends and relatives.
 
This is the REAL Point of No Return. I've found that when your spouse has reached the Point of No Return, no one can save your marriage at this point.  Not a priest, pastor or marriage counselor.

So How Did this Happen?

A marriage gets to this point because we live in a society that is convinced that once you are married, there is nothing you need to learn about marriage and nothing you need to practice. 

All you need is love. 

If you don't have love, then it's all your fault that your marriage failed.  Because of this belief, you kept on doing exactly what you always did...your version of love. 

You treated your spouse the same way your father treated your mother...or vice versa. You kept on doing the same thing and kept on getting the same results. 

Your spouse could not help you to help him/her. No matter how many times s/he told you how to meet his/her needs, you couldn't hear...you just couldn't understand. 
 
How do I know this? 

I know it because every single divorce is built on the same system.  When your emotional needs are not met in a marriage, anywhere from 1-3 of the situations listed below will begin to take place in your marriage. 

Because you know virtually nothing about how to be married and how to support each other's needs, you have no way to stop these issues from happening:

- Affair
- Sex failure
- Communication break down
- No Loyalty
- In-Law problems
- Grew apart
- Fell out of love
- Blended family issues
- Abusive attitudes
- Depression
- Angry spouse
- No romance
- Ignores me
- Money problems
- Children problems
- Avoids me

If your spouse has not yet passed the Point of No Return, you can still save your marriage; there is still hope for the two of you. But you need to do something TODAY to improve your unhappy marriage. Believe me, I get emails daily with stories about marriages that took a turn for the worst in a matter of WEEKS.

These people simply waited too long and before they knew it, their spouse had reached the Point of No Return. So my message to you is DON'T WAIT. Do something for your marriage TODAY...before it's too late. You can start by getting the FREE marriage advice you can use to http://www.marriage-success-secrets.com">fix your marriage at the http://www.marriage-success-secrets.com">http://www.marriage-success-secrets.com website. 

Note: This article is not legal advice. It is not meant to replace marriage counseling.