Why Men Should Watch Porn For Women

Like most guys, Alex*, 42, watched a lot of porn. The stuff he watched, he advised, followed a very specific formula:"show a nude woman, followed closely by close-up shots of her vagina and breasts, then reveal her going down on him before he relentlessly pounds into her."

Also like most guys, Alex took many of his sexual cues out of pornography, and attempted to replicate what he'd seen when he had sex with his then-wife. But their sex life finally became such a massive source of conflict and miscommunication that they finally divorced.

When Alex got remarried, he decided he wanted to be"the best lover" his new wife had ever needed. So he began studying women's erotica as a means to"research what girls want." He was surprised to find something which's probably obvious to most girls, but was shocking for him: porn for a female audience was a lot different than pornography for men. What was even more surprising? He liked it -- even over the pornography he'd been observing for several years.

"Porn for girls" is a relatively new genre, but it's becoming incredibly popular. Director Erika Lust's website XConfessions also features short films inspired by real women's sexual fantasies, shot and produced by a mostly female crew .

Generally ,"if people say'pornography for women,' what they really mean is porn that does not have so much focus on penetration, in which the sex is more connected, frequently story-driven, or'softer,''' says renowned adult film director Jacky St. James . "There's a focus more on sex where there is a good deal of foreplay, kissing, link. The light is more light and airy. The men are more attractive (conventionally speaking) and the women are more normal in body type and overall style." ("Porn for women" also tends to comprise a lot of homosexual sex: girls are 445% more likely than men to search for "girl on girl" pornography , based on a 2014 report, even if they mostly self-identify as straight.)

Porn for girls also tends to concentrate on the couple's mutual enjoyment, St. James adds. "There's much more of a focus on realistic-looking orgasms and overall connection." Unlike romantic porn, romantic xxx, hot romantic sex, porn for women , where the man's mind is often cut away and"it's just a thrusting torso," pornography for women usually features"more of the man's participation in the scene. You see his face, his expressions also."

Much like Alex, Will*, 35, says he began searching for "female-friendly" pornography because he wanted to be a better sex partner for his wife. "I didn't have a great deal of sexual experience once we got serious. She never complained, however, I needed to make sure that I made her feel as special, fulfilled, and adored as I did so," he says.

Will was surprised to find he appreciated it over the porn he generally watched. "The connections between the performers seem more real. . .there's kissing and raw sensuality. The couples even smile at each other. There's fewer acrobatic places, therefore the performers really have enough time to enjoy each other. I have found the whole thing a turn-on."

Gabe*, 32, says watching porn produced by and for girls helped him develop a better comprehension of exactly what turns his partners on. "It focuses on facial expressions and whole body movements, whereas traditional porn focuses on penetration and jamming your own genitals into each other," he says.

While most mainstream pornography movies geared toward guys skipped foreplay entirely and jumped directly into penetrative sexual intercourse, Gabe discovered that pornography for girls focused more on sexual intercourse and clitoral stimulation, which studies have shown is crucial to helping girls achieve orgasm . "I absolutely prefer it on any other [type of pornography ]," he says.

Obviously, just like men, women's sexual preferences vary tremendously, which means there's not one single definition of exactly what"porn for women" really is: while one girl could possibly become narrative-driven, high-budget, soft-core content, yet another may enjoy watching rougher, kinkier, more extreme fare.

"You cannot lump an whole sex to a certain type of porn," St. James says. "I know quite a few women who enjoy hardcore porn. I know a lot of women directing this fashion of pornography because it appeals to them. If you are a girl that loves rougher sex, getting choked, rape fantasies, etc., then you're totally normal. Just because we don't call that'pornography for girls' doesn't mean it's not porn for ladies."

Blake*, 41, insists. "My partner said a great deal of pornography for women seemed too tender. "It wasn't for her"

But if your partner is turned away with quote-unquote"female-friendly" erotica, getting to know their taste in porn can make it easier to talk about what turns them on. Additionally, it may help guys explore their own sexual tastes and preferences. "My partner shared that she likes watching male homosexual porn or bisexual pornography with male-on-male interaction. I learned quite a bit, to be honest," adds Ryan,* who's 38. "It enabled us to discuss situations and wants that we might not have been comfortable discussing prior." (It also led to them trying out threesomes IRL.)

For Alex, watching porn for women has completely changed the way he has sex in real life. Thanks to his research, he feels much more confident and attuned to his spouse's needs during intercourse. "I strive very hard to remain current in the moment together," he says. "I also don't do the jackhammer thing that seemingly a great deal of guys do." That said, Alex notes that he hasn't been watching much porn of any kind lately.

*Names have been changed to permit topics to speak freely on private matters.