Codependency & Substance Abuse Addiction

Posted by Care Addiction Center on April 27th, 2022

Addiction doesn\'t only affect the individual using substances. It can create a heavy burden on family members as well.

When a family is trying to cope with a loved one who is struggling with an addiction, they tend to want to provide him or her with support, love and encouragement. Some family members might take on some of the responsibilities the addicted person has stopped doing, or may provide financial support to the addicted family member.

What happens when support becomes enabling and the person becomes codependent on you?

What is Codependency?

Supporting each other is natural in healthy relationships. However, having someone for support is not the same thing as being codependent.

Codependency refers to relationships where one person assumes responsibility for meeting another\'s needs, leading to the other person\'s self-destructive behaviors.

Difference Between Support & Enabling

Supporting and enabling someone\'s addiction are two different things. Although you may intend to help, it can have the opposite effect of enabling bad behavior, even when your intent is to help.

The difference is this:

• Supporting is assisting with things they are incapable of doing for themselves.
• Enabling is keeping someone from dealing with the negative consequences of their actions.

An example of enabling can be giving someone a place to live, paying for a cell phone, or paying for a car. Allowing yourself to believe someone to be incapable of paying for a cell phone, for example, simply because they spent all of their money on an addiction is not supporting them - it is allowing them to be codependent on you.

Signs of Enabling & Codependency

1. Caretaking

Taking full responsibility for the feelings, thoughts, actions, and ultimate fate of the addicted individual. If necessary, taking over the addicted person\'s responsibilities.

2. Weak Boundaries

Saying you won\'t tolerate certain behaviors from an addicted individual, and then gradually increasing your tolerance until you accept the behaviors you said you wouldn\'t. In addition, you may make excuses for those who are addicted, either to yourself or to others.

3. Lack of Trust

Doubting yourself, your feelings, and your decisions. When you try to trust people who are untrustworthy, such as an addict, trust is a struggle - especially if you find yourself lying to protect the addict.

4. Fear of Abandonment

You are afraid that the addicted person will leave you. You fret that they will leave the safety and security you have been trying to provide for them. Often times, this means sacrificing your mental, emotional, and physical health for the sake of protecting the addicted individual.

Enabling can also include lying about someone else\'s addiction or the consequences of their addiction to others, keeping secrets for the addict, and protecting them from the natural consequences of addiction. Codependency can also be characterized as denying the problems or ignoring them, feeling responsible for the actions of the other person, refusing help because you don\'t think the problem is severe enough, having low self-esteem or depression symptoms, and trying to control or fix the other person\'s problems.

Family and friends are important aspects of the healing process, but they cannot stop addiction on their own - in fact, they may be doing more harm than good.

If you or a loved one are struggling or need help, addiction treatment, drug or alcohol rehab, call Care Addiction Center in Geneva IL at: (630) 402-0144.