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Posted by milonshil on August 6th, 2017

I am a bisexual woman in my early 20s and have been with my girlfriend, who is a lesbian, for over two years.

I am the happiest I have ever been. I have never wanted to cheat and am genuinely satisfied and fulfilled in our relationship and I think my partner could say the same.

We recently met a man who hinted that he'd like to have a threesome with us.

Now, being two young women in a relationship often brings these types of offers, but we are actually considering meeting up with this one.

My partner and I always talk things out and make a joint decision on everything and I know we will do the same here, but I wanted an outside opinion and thought you would be the best to give it.

My worries are that my girlfriend won't enjoy the experience. She is a lesbian but has often talked about her fantasy of me with men.

I also worry that she will no longer feel she is adequate in bed for me after seeing me with a man. I am not at all worried that if we do this it would make me realise I've been missing men. I think it could, however, be a good thing as we are young and would like to experiment before getting married and everything that follows after that.

My overall thoughts right now are, if it's not broken don't fix it. Our sex life doesn't need spicing up - in my opinion - but I'm wondering if we should give it a go as it couldn't really hurt that much.

A Your girlfriend has a fantasy of seeing you with a man, and the man that you met no doubt has a fantasy of being with two women.

Even though you are very happy with how things are at the moment, you are thinking about facilitating these two people by having the suggested threesome.

I have to say that I share your reservations. Differing emotions have been reported by people who have experienced threesomes, ranging from feeling a bit overlooked and lonely to being quite jealous of seeing their partner having satisfying sex with somebody else.

The counter argument is that it is just sex without emotional involvement, but the fact is that emotions cannot be denied when they occur. So there is a danger that your girlfriend may not be too happy seeing you with a man - and perhaps you enjoying yourself as you are, after all, bi-sexual - and feeling that she can never satisfy you in the way that he can.

You may see things quite differently, but you have to bear in mind her possible reaction.

It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with your girlfriend and if you are both happy then there is no need to change things and risk upsetting this.

The other risk is that if you make her fantasy a reality, and it doesn't work out, then she can no longer use it as a fantasy.

Before you make a final decision it would be a good idea to talk the wh*** thing through with her, exploring what possible reactions you would both have if you are together with a guy.

If you wanted to make it a bit more real you could watch some female- centred porn together - something like and see how you both feel imagining yourselves in whatever scenario you are watching.

This may give you some insights and help make up your minds.

I don't quite follow your train of thought when you say you would like to experiment before getting married.

Making the final commitment to each other shouldn't really change anything. Surely anything goes between two consenting adults as long as you are not breaking the law.

I wish you many more happy years together.

You can contact Mary O’Conor anonymously by visitir email her at or write c/o 27-32 Talbot Street, Dublin 1. All correspondence will be treated in confidence. Mary O’Conor regrets that she is unable to answer any questions privately.

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