Ego And Shame ? The Main Factors In The Sex Game

Posted by Divya Gupta on September 8th, 2017

Hugh Hefner said that religion is not the driving force behind civilization it is sex as we don’t produce off-springs for a higher power we produce them because we like sex. Penis and Vagina have a mind of their own and when they are on song they pull all our strings. Good performance in the bed boosts our self-esteem as it feeds us self- importance while bad performance makes us hot with shame. But so often than not, it is not the only kind of ego and shame we take and we bring you things that when not quelled down immediately will rise up and blow up on your or your partner’s face.

1)      Gender Ego

 Well there are a lot of terms in the English language that have developed because of this ego like misogynists and feminists. It is wrong to regard one gender as superior as both are instrumental and indispensable in shaping up the world and without the cooperation and sensitivity of either we cannot achieve harmony. Yet there are attributes associated with both genders that partners have to make each other understand so that they don’t get too egoistic and mean. One can never claim that these words and statements are mine for a long time as words and statements keep changing all the time and to link them with us would be to casts us in a mould that we are not designed to stay in. A great man once said that we have to fall in love over and over again with the same person if we have to spend our life with that person and that can only be possible when we forgive the things they say in vanity and conceit. Remember there is a thin line between pride and excessive pride so always club things your partner says and does which come under proud actions and egoistical actions.

 Last word its ok for him or her to feel too important at times but these actions are only okay when the person never creates a self- image which tells him that he is the most important person and other people are worthless. Every person irrespective of gender needs to learn the attitude which teaches and practices compassion whenever the ones around them get too proud or sensitive.

 2)      Gender Shame

 You just read about gender ego which can make people feel excessively superior and blinded by pride unaware of their own flaws. On the flipside if we undermine ourselves and form a low opinion of ourselves because of our gender then it makes us upset most of the time and bitter to the core. We are not responsible for what gender we are born in but we are responsible for our attitude towards it. To put it simply what girls can do boys can do and vice versa. To feel humiliated because of one’s gender and not speak about it will irritate any partner making him/her think that they cannot correct you. There are some things which you hold onto telling yourself you are not okay that can only pass when you let them go. It means never tell yourself you are not okay because of your gender.

3)      The Two opposites

 A famous philosopher once said that it is certain that we cannot escape anguish because we are anguish well that was maybe said when he was in one of his more morose moods. We like Jean Paul Sartre are fully capable to reflect at life and conclude that it is meaningless and can actively look for pain in other people’s lives or even dwell on past incidents in our life that did not conclude in happiness. Well if we seriously try we can make life all about other agonies as a journey down this stream can be endless having no light at the end of the tunnel but misery.

We have another such statement that says we cannot escape joy because we are joy and just like the previous statement seems true this one is also true because we lie in the middle of happiness and sadness moving back and forth between these two opposites.

 4) Sex life with gender, ego and the two opposites

 There are a lot of thin lines between emotions which one needs to learn and they cannot be learned just by knowing what good and bad is. We need to have the right combination of self-love, self- forgiveness and self-punishment. No one is perfect and we all have hidden episodes that we only reflect over and don’t tell anyone. Our emotions don’t have to be too confused self -love stems from doing a thing well, self-punishment stems from realizing we did something wrong and not allowing us things which make us happy for a few days while self- forgiveness stems from letting go of the thoughts about your wrong action and resolve not to behave in a similar manner. Not following these three maxims will in fact lead to egoistic thoughts or create a self-worrying habit. Praise yourself when you have good sex, change your diet and exercise regimen when you fail to perform and forget the bad sex moments to keep creating happy ones.

 Obsessive behavior of any kind is exhausting but as adults we have to swallow the truth that we need to care about something so that we can live our life by it and that is exactly the kind of attitude we need to inculcate. Each person needs to find what they want to do in life and not be dissuaded when people question them and not try to dissuade other people by questioning how they make a living only pointing out actions which were highly irrational whose incorrectness they will also admit moments later. Love is where intimacy is and sex is the crowning moment of intimacy. It is a natural force of joy and pleasures that ego and shame will destroy so let go of comparison and believe you are a source of joy for your loved ones and not a source of evil for others and nothing will make you unhappy. This is the belief you need to practice every day for joy to flow through you uninterrupted. What else can be added to the happiness of a man who is in health, out of debt, has a clear conscience and has a good Sex Life?