Hiding Inside

Posted by David C Mason on May 11th, 2018

Some days they seemed to be silent and then some days they were all she could hear. These demons climbing on her back, sitting on her shoulder, breathing down her neck. It didn't matter if she tried to run away because they were always two steps in front of her. Two steps behind her. Two steps to the left. And two steps to the right. They surrounded her constantly on the inside and outside. Their voices inside her head always seemed three notches louder no matter how loud she screamed. Some nights she would stay up until nearly 3 am crying until her eyes could barely open and she had the worst headache she'd ever had. She tried. She tried so hard to keep up this war but some days everything came crashing down. Every time things felt okay she knew it would be short lived. She began to not trust anyone or even her own thoughts. She didn't know if she was hearing her own voice or the demons' voices. Some days it felt like every string inside of her had broken and then the next day was spent tying them all back together.

She wishes she could fast forward to 5 years from now. She wonders what her life will be like. If she will return to the daily genuine smile or if she would still struggle to get out of bed some days. She hopes that one day she can silence the demons and that she'll look down at her children and hope that they never have the inner voices that she once had. She'll look to the one thing, the one person, who made every awful day worth it. He had been her source of hope and happiness and she knows that he will be for the rest of her life.Some days they seemed to be silent and then some days they were all she could hear. These demons climbing on her back, sitting on her shoulder, breathing down her neck. It didn't matter if she tried to run away because they were always two steps in front of her. Two steps behind her. Two steps to the left. And two steps to the right. They surrounded her constantly on the inside and outside. Their voices inside her head always seemed three notches louder no matter how loud she screamed. Some nights she would stay up until nearly 3 am crying until her eyes could barely open and she had the worst headache she'd ever had. She tried. She tried so hard to keep up this war but some days everything came crashing down. Every time things felt okay she knew it would be short lived. She began to not trust anyone or even her own thoughts. She didn't know if she was hearing her own voice or the demons' voices. Some days it felt like every string inside of her had broken and then the next day was spent tying them all back together.

She wishes she could fast forward to 5 years from now. She wonders what her life will be like and when she can have a best cb radio. If she will return to the daily genuine smile or if she would still struggle to get out of bed some days. She hopes that one day she can silence the demons and that she'll look down at her children and hope that they never have the inner voices that she once had. She'll look to the one thing, the one person, who made every awful day worth it. He had been her source of hope and happiness and she knows that he will be for the rest of her life.