Posted by ulrch on July 25th, 2018
Its Easter!!! Out comes the glue, the glitter, the tissue paper - its time to be creative, as the school launches its Easter bonnet parade and decorate an egg competition.(view more buy eyelashes extensions to make beauty person ) We know, though, that some parents take these things a little more seriously than we do! Obviously we want our children to be happy, and we want their little Easter bonnets and decorated eggs to look good, and maybe hopefully they'll win the plaudits of their peers. Despite this though, there are the odd few parents who are ultra competitive in the arena of children's competitions.
It was the Easter bonnet parade at our childrens' school that prompted my wife and I to discuss the actions of certain parents at the last Easter bonnet parade, and got us talking about competitive parents. That same evening there was a documentary on TV about the American beauty pageants for young girls - with girls as young as 2 years old competing to be the most beautiful in their category. This is the extreme of being a competitive parent.
Okay, so our girls were fretting - the competition's coming closer, "When are we going to make bonnets??? When are we going to decorate eggs???" My wife and I were saying "Chill out kids, we'll get there, we have plenty of time!!" The pressure was on. Despite the fact that its only our middle child that will compete in the Easter bonnet parade, we let all 3 of them make a bonnet. Its just such a nice exercise for them all to do, and its fun for all the family.(Recent studies have shown those women who to buy 3d mink lashes Click here [ivoirelashes] to order best quality mink eyelashes.)
Strangely as I sat down and began to help our 4 year old put together her bonnet, I found my competitive side coming out - not only did I want this to be the best bonnet at the dining table, I wanted her bonnet to be the best damned bonnet in school!!! What was happening - my wife spotted this early on, as I became excited mixing the different coloured glitters together and sticking it all over a tiny plastic egg. The glue was useless, so I discovered a secret weapon in velcro pads, and by the end our bonnet was by far the best at the table but will it win the competition at school? By the time the 3 bonnets were complete, there was glitter EVERYWHERE - our eldest had even decided in her over exuberant way to tip the remaining mixed colour glitter all over my rather over exposed head... despite 2 showers and a mild allergic reaction I still have glitter all over my head!
I don't know what got into me when I sat down to that table - why on earth would something like this make me feel SO competitive? I think it happens because we want our children to be winners. But where do you put aside your own competitiveness and let your child have an input into their project? Our 4 year old, could tell I wasn't going to let up - I had so many ideas - and said "Erm Dale? I want to do it myself!" He he! Bless her!!! She did however take my suggestions and help and run with them, and she was happy with the end results. My wife still made fun of me saying "Will you let her borrow YOUR bonnet for the parade:)".
This got us talking about one of the entrants last year - a hat made entirely of balloons, and inside each one an Easter egg - clearly not the work of a 4 year old. This led us into a conversation asking why some parents are ultra competitive on behalf of their children. As I've already stated, as parents we want our children to be successful, winners, from as early an age as possible - this gives them self confidence. If your child wins all of the time, however, because you are doing everything for them, they become over confident, arrogant and not only that, they do not learn how to gain that confidence for themselves. These little competitions are not important in our lives, or for our children's future success - obviously though, nice for them to win. They seem to be important to some parents for all the wrong reasons - their child MUST be successful, they MUST be a winner and God help any body whose child comes ahead of them!
This argument was compounded further as we settled down to relax and happened upon a documentary about American pageants. We've all seen them - the ultra competitive parent, who FORCES their poor child to dress up in glittery dresses, wear far too much make up and false lashes, and then put on a swim suit or a cow girls outfit, and parade about in front of a panel of middle aged judges to be judged Miss Mini Texas or something, the most beautiful 6 year old in Texas. I say "Let them be kids!!". I have no doubt that when a girl reaches the age of 7 or 8 they will start wanting to dress in lovely dresses and wear makeup, and start talking about boyfriends and being a model or a singer - some of these girls may ask to be in these pageants, but when you start seeing girls of 18 months or 2 years of age being paraded, I think it becomes ridiculous and it's the parents competing, not the children. These children were still babies, still in nappies, crying from the pressures to win being put upon them by their parents. And when they lose - the parents aren't disappointed or sympathetic, but full of criticism, informing their child (already terribly upset, some almost hysterical) in no uncertain terms as to why they lost and how they let their parents down!! This is not good for a child, it does little for their self esteem or confidence, and makes them bitter and resentful towards their parents and also perhaps, their peers.
Its okay for us to be competitive on our child's behalf, but we must let their enthusiasm for competition guide us. If they want to win, then we should SUPPORT and GUIDE them all the way, encouraging their efforts, sympathising and empathising when they don't win, and helping them do better next time - be it helping them in training or with more craft exercises and creativity activities to encourage their development. All part of nurturing your offspring. If they really aren't bothered about competing, then don't push it - you really shouldn't be bothered either. If you want to encourage their competitiveness though, build their self confidence, nurturing their confidence in their abilities and steering them in the direction of their born talents. Remember, although they are a part of you, its not you that's competing, its them, don't force them, but let them grow.(Recent studies have shown those women who to buy 3d mink lashes Click here http://www.ivoirelashes.com to order best quality mink eyelashes.)
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