Dealing With a Child Who Has Anxiety

Posted by Amy Brotherman on July 28th, 2019

As a child, I had a fair amount of anxiety. I worried about virtually everything from death, to the loss of my parents, to my school performance, social relations, and on and on. I suppose I was just a worrier. 

I can remember that feeling in my gut - butterflies and dread on a Sunday night, the day before a week of school in my younger years. I stewed about "what-ifs", and based on my own unfounded fears, I'd lose sleep that night before school. 

I had great parents: stable, loving, pragmatic parents who tried to help me in all the ways they could. They talked openly with me about my fears, and although it helped, the fears would come back the following week. 

So, my childhood memories of those feelings give me an empathy towards my son, who has anxiety that manifests in other ways.

He has ADHD, and several diagnosed anxiety disorders. One of the disorders is separation anxiety disorder. (YES, this is a disorder! My older kids went through separation anxieties too - and although it felt horrible at the time - I had no idea just how bad it could become!).

I've tried different things - from forcing him into situations (school, playdates, etc.) to letting him be with me all the time. Truthfully, the best solution so far has been to find a happy balance of the two. I've failed quite a bit - sometimes pushing him into situations I maybe shouldn't have, and sometimes not pushing him enough. 

The trick has always been to find out WHEN to push and when to bring him closer for reassurance. There have been times that my head told me to push him out but heart said, "no!". Then, when I forced him into a situation, I felt so glad that I did - because it ended up being something he loved, one less thing for him to miss out on.

But other times, I should not have. No parent is perfect, however, and these decisions aren't always the easiest! In the end, he knows that his Dad and I love him and he has security in our family. I'm sure that will win out as life goes on. 

Other anxieties that he faces (back to school anxiety is a biggie) we take step by step. Sometimes, it takes me an hour just to convince him we need to go on a short run to the grocery store, or to go to that birthday party he has actually been so excited about all week.

It helps to plan ahead when we can. We leave early for events just in case his anxiety starts to take hold. We get to school and hand out in the parking lot for an extra 20 minutes, just so he can bolster his courage.

When he's finally dropped off, or in a situation, he excels! Like many other parents before me, I've waited around the corner of a classroom to see if he will continue to cry. But no, he turns out happy as a lark. I am thankful for this, as a lot of other kids have anxiety that persists throughout the day.

You are not alone, fellow parent of an anxious child! Keep striking the balance between pushing your child out of the nest, and bringing them closer in to finding that security. We can do this, to raise happy, healthy and productive kids!