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Is It Wrong If I Wish You Back?

Posted by Ubhe96 on April 12th, 2020

"You left when I was very comfortable with you. You ran away when I loved you very much. You disappeared without saying anything, while I who already loved you could only hope that God made you aware. That here, there was me, who prayed for you nonstop." - @dwitasaridwita
I sat in the cafe where we first met. The cafe that you showed me as a pleasant writing place around me and your place. In the sky of Cibinong which was raining heavily, I sipped a cold lychee tea. There is a void here that I feel because there is no you sitting next to me. And, Marcell's voice, didn't calm me down. A hunch in the ear, spreads into my heart, then makes my chest tight.
I remember when I first met you here, after dozens of times you asked me to meet, and I kept rejecting it. That day, I found you who was smoking near the cash register. I approached you and shook your hand. At that time, our eyes met, and may I confess, that day-- I had fallen in love with you. We talk as if we will never run out of chatter. I immediately fell in love with the way you smiled, at the sound of your laughter, the way you called my name, the smoke of your cigarette soaring in the air, and the way you looked at me.
After that day, you became a man whose message I always waited for. I am waiting for your busy life to end so that at night we can communicate, so that I can hear your voice from the other end of the phone, and so that the longing full in my chest can be a little smaller or lessened. But, I can't stop myself from missing you. That feeling silenced me even more when I had to fill a novel writing workshop in Bangkalan, Madura. You keep monitoring me in the midst of your busy life. You sent me a song via voice note . Even though it was so far away from you, but I felt my breath and you always follow me.
After returning from Bangkalan, Madura, we decided to meet again at the second meeting. I carry a burning desire in my chest, but you turned out to bring bad news for me. In the midst of your warm embrace, you finally confess that you love me very much. With a happy nod, I look at you tearfully, you kiss my forehead. My happiness crept up to the highest level. A few seconds later, you start to tell the story of your life, to the story that you actually have a lover before knowing me. Do you know what I felt at that time? It feels like I want to explode, let go of your arms, and I feel angry at myself.
Also See: My Chest, Very Much, Busy Life, Writing Workshop, Me, My, Way

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