Is It Wrong If I Wish You Back? 2
Posted by Ubhe96 on April 12th, 2020
During our closeness, you did not give any relationship status. I also didn't insist that we immediately have status, but why would I be angry when I knew you were with the others? I look into your eyes with my watery eyes. You caught that sadness and immediately hugged me tightly. However, why can't I let go of your tight hug? A hug that is not mine, a hug that is not mine. In your arms, I cried uncontrollably. It felt so unfair, I was at the peak of loving you so much, and the fact that you were talking about really destroyed the magnificent dreams that I had built.
I had imagined one day I would introduce you to my mother. I had hoped to be able to take you along in novel writing workshops around Jakarta. I have imagined that I can be in a special relationship with you. I imagine everyday hugging you in the midst of the two of us. You have made me accustomed to your hugs, with your warm kisses, with the humorous feelings that you always show me, with the pleasant wildness that only we both know, with all the stupid things that make me able to be myself when I am with you, but why do you go when you have made me so accustomed to the joy of your presence?
To this day, I still feel that everything is unfair. You said you love me so much, but last night you wanted our relationship to end soon. With reason you don't want to lie to me and hurt me too far. But, as a nobody, indeed I have no right to prohibit anything. How could I be so easily trapped in all your sweet treatment, when I finally found out - you already have another lover.
If you know, I still loved you as deeply as when we first met. I still love you, as hard as the first time you kissed my forehead. I still love you, as magical as when you first mentioned your name. I still love you, like the first time your hug really warmed me. I still love you, even when you choose to leave my life for reasons that I don't understand at all, with cliché reasons that are hard to accept by logic.
I feel very lost, even though maybe you don't feel anything. I feel afraid to lose, even though you are not mine. I felt lost, lost hope that I had worked so hard for you.
Come back to me when you are bored with your lover. I will remain that stupid, loving you without begging for the status and clarity of our relationship. Come back to me, if he can't give you enough warm and happy hugs. I will still be a stupid girl, who misses you in silence and silence. Come back to me, if your lover can't take care of your feelings. Because I'm going to stay here, still waiting for you back here, still being a stupid Dwita - waiting for you to come home.
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