I Am Not A Kid Any More

Posted by aypearl on September 10th, 2013

I am not a kid any more, I think. I just graduate from my college, and I do not adjust to this society. I am not ecstatic when I get pearl jewelry, but I really was when I was a little kid.
I really feel tired and confused, and I do not know how to fit in this society, just like when I first stepped into the college. Maybe I am just not ready, and I am just not ready to grow up so quickly. I still remember when I was in the college, when I had a great ambition. I still remember how it feels like when you have a big hope. You can take whatever it costs just to make your own dream come true. That feeling is so great and I will try my best, just to prove that I am alive.

Now, I am not a kid any more. I have already stepped into this society. Sometimes I must change myself, which is so painful and which is so hated by me. I have to speak a lot every day, which is definitely not the old me. I have to smile a lot and I have to pretend that I like everyone beside me. It is so tiring. However, I really miss the old me, who was so quiet and hard-working. I mean, I am hard-working now, but somehow I just can’t feel the old feelings any more. I gradually understand that I have already grown up and I am not the kid any more.
I am really sorry if I act like a child, if I hate you too obviously or like you too obviously. I am sorry if I act too strangely some day, which is bothering you all the time. I am so sorry if I always cry heavily like a baby. I am really sorry that I no longer wholesale pearl jewelry. I love pearl jewelry, but I just think it luxury now, because I know how hard it is to make money. I am sorry that I act like someone else before people, and act just like me when I am alone. I am so sorry that you don’t understand me. I am so sorry that I have changed a little, and I am sorry that sometimes I can’t help crying, maybe I just miss the old me, and sometimes it really make me happy she can appear again. I am so sorry that a pearl necklace can’t make me happy again, because I am not a kid any more. I am so sorry, I really am.