How to Find Love and Build Intimacy As a Trans Woman

Posted by Ariana Grande on November 22nd, 2020

Contrary to what many people think, being a transgender woman does not exclude you from the sweet and rewarding world of dating and romance. Due to the fact that trans women don't fit into the conventional binary boxes, they are made to think and feel that they are not worthy to be loved, admired and recognized by the rest of the society. For this reason, the society tends to pour scorn on anyone associated with this "weird" sexual identity, calling their sexual orientation a question. 

Finding Love and Getting Best Dating/Relationship 

In the bid to spare trans women the harsh realities that are associated with looking for true lovers, we have designed a viable site geared towards helping them get the partners of their dreams whether as trans men or women. We also have highly experienced and astute coaches that are available 24/7 to help you out of any knotty love situation you are trapped in. 

Why Dating Trans Women is an Act of Bravery

In today's world, loving and dating trans women openly appears to be the nastiest thing a person can ever do. This explains why finding love as a trans woman is seen to be a thing of luck. Well, the narrative is beginning to change as there are now many men out there who find trans women attractive, holding their hands in public and even going as far as kissing them. These defiant men lend credence to the fact that trans women deserve to be happy and live as who they truly are. However, we cannot rule the fact that it's not easy to find the person who will openly and sincerely love you for who you truly are as a trans woman. Due to the caustic criticisms and scorn such men are likely to face, they might want to keep the relationship hush-hush. 

 In many places across the globe, trans people are labelled as gays and called all sort of names and treated like dirts just because of their firm decision to be true to themselves and stop pretending to be what they are not or trying to maintain the status quo. This explains why it really takes a whole lot of bravery to come out as a trans person. Many trans women are victims of rejection, divorce and stigma. Some are practically disowned by their families. No one wants to be identified with trans people for the fear of being ridiculed and rejected too.

Who Is A Transgender Woman? 

It is worthy of note that the term "transgender" is relative; it means different things to different people. But basically, "transgender" is a popular term used to refer to persons whose gender expression or identity is not in tandem with the sex they were assigned at birth. For example, a transgender person may see and feel best as a woman in spite of having male genitals. In this seeming weird case, a transgender person feels like a lady trapped in a male body. An individual's strong sense of being female or male is called gender identity which is communicated through a variety of ways such as dressing, behavior, voice or body characteristics. Trans women have the strong craving to dispossess themselves of their original genitals or other sex characteristics. 

Why Trans Women Are Victims of Abuse, Rejection and Stigma

In many societies even in seemingly liberal ones, trans people are embattled species. They face intense rejection, disdain and hatred even from their families based on their behaviors they considered alien and unacceptable to the prevailing societal constructs. This makes it quite challenging for trans people to find love. There is also an issue of disclosure. This has to do with when to tell your potential partners that you are a trans woman while bearing in mind that things can go awry at that juncture. Luckily for some trans women out there, they found men who openly and unabashedly express deep, unfeigned love for them, holding their hands in public and even cuddling them. Nothing makes a trans woman feels utterly satisfied and elated like finding a man who loves and respects her for who she is and not minding what other people are saying or thinking. This lovely disposition towards a trans person helps to reassure them that they don't have to pretend to be who they are not. Finding a true partner makes them feel loved, fulfilled and satisfied amid rejection and ridicule. 

Gender and Sexuality Are Two Different Concepts 

Many people tend to confuse gender and sexuality. Some even use them interchangeably. This is not true. There is a world of difference between the duo. Sex is rigid and biological while gender is fluid. Dating and loving trans persons does not necessarily imply that you are a gay. Don't think that dating trans people even make you a bisexual person. Trans women are women. Trans men are men. It's as simple as that. Thus, if you are attracted to a trans woman, you are attracted to a woman-end of the story. 

Trans Women Don't Transition Just to Date Straight Men

Many people are of the opinion that trans women only transition just to deceive straight men into sleeping with them. This is a depiction of ignorance. This idea has been disgustingly sensationalized in both film and television. The fact remains that transitioning cannot change one's sexual orientation which is a function of your attraction to a person's gender identity or expression. If a cis man is attracted to women before transitioning, chances are that he will remain attracted to women. 

Trans Women Are not Pseudo-Women 

A lot of shallow-minded people often view trans women as pseudo-women, maintaining that they don't have what it takes to be called real women like female genitals. A trans woman has a strong internal sense of being a woman. She really loves to dress, walk and speak as a woman. She feels like a lady trapped in a male body. So, that's the way she should be perceived and addressed. It's highly repulsive and degrading saying things like, " Nobody can ever sass out that you were once a man. You just look like a woman". Trans women are not miserable. They deserve to be treated with dignity and respect like every other lady out there. They deserve to have a nice time with their lovers in a concert, cinema, stadium or sport center. 

Trans Women Are Not a Secret Cult

Society is always poised to pour scorn on men who are attracted to transwomen by branding them as gays and harshly calling their masculinity to question. Often times, transwomen are made to believe that they should maintain low profile in society and that they are not worthy of popular acceptance. It's therefore pertinent for transwomen to be open, unapologetic and self-assertive about their gender identity and expression as this will really help to send the message to the society that they deserve to be loved, recognized and heard. 

Melissa Jean Cassidy, 65 

Melissa Jean Cassidy is a happy trans woman born and bred in London. She later moved to Toronto a few years ago where she started transitioning. Melisa Jean Cassidy still vividly recalls the exhilarating moments "she" shared with her ex-wife. Cassidy remembers taking her ex-wife to see movies on Monday nights with the usher always showing up and saying jokingly, " No hanky panky here". Yet, deep down within Cassidy, he feels and sees himself as a woman regardless of what lies in his pant.

 In one way or the other, Cassidy's ex-wife really clipped her wings. In her 40s, Cassidy was still living as a man; "she" tried her chances at cross-dressing occasionally to give an expression to her internal sense of being a woman. For many reasons, her ex-wife being the chief reason, she couldn't transition as much as she wanted to. " I really love my wife", Cassidy says. It was only when Cassidy adamantly rejected the idea of her becoming a woman that Cassidy plucked the courage and filed for divorce. That was two years ago. Their divorce was eventually affected last year.

 In the light of this new-found latitude, Cassidy left for Toronto where she began to transition and come out as a trans woman. Though the transition wasn't without its challenges, Cassidy was very determined. While trying to transition fully, Cassidy features in a slow dance at night, reinforcing her transition to being a woman. She really feel happy that she is accepted in a trans community and that she is no longer bound by the societal norms. The primal desire for a amorous relationship soon caught up with her. At first, getting to meet somebody that will love her for the "weird person" she is constitutes  a rather big challenge. First, it was an issue of timing. " I am not a night owl". Most events in which she features as a slow dancer kick off late in the night around 10:30 or 11pm. 

There is also an issue of age. Cassidy complains that most people in her age group are already dating or they have been married for donkey years or they have transitioned a long time ago and have got along with their children who now fully accept their new identity. So, she wistfully think that she should have transitioned in her age bracket. "I am not just connecting with my age bracket", she moans. " That's the issue." She had ups and downs on Facebook dating app. 

At long last, Cassidy met Craigslist whose advances seemed auspicious from the beginning. He was actually looking for a committed and serious relationship with a transwoman. They talk all the time. After one year of email correspondence, Craigslist requested that they should meet physically. She agreed without hesitation. What seems like her dream coming true. Cassidy remembers his exact words, " It's high time we met". The duo met in a bar in London. At their first meeting, he gave her a big embrace that warms her heart and somehow reaffirms his commitment and sincerity. That lovely day, they spent almost seven hours together, just chatting and having a whale of time. Luckily, that's what Cassidy looks forward to in a date; nothing too serious and formal; just a cup of tea, a light food after a few days and lots of talks. 

Sherry Sylvia, 

Sherry Sylvia has been transitioning for 20 years now. " I don't really think anyone can ever finish it", she says. She is currently in a committed and strong relationship as a trans woman. But the path that leads her there was full of bumps. She meandered her way through ups and downs of having to be true to herself and to the world around her. Criticisms and taunts came her way in torrent. But she remains unfazed. " It takes a very long time to arrive here. A lot of train wreaks, I must confess". She further adds that dating is both exciting and challenging as many guys who are only interested in trans women for temporary reasons. 

Sherry Sylvia still recalls sitting at a bar and a dashing man approached her and asked if he can get her a drink. She first thought of declining her offer politely. But she decided to go point-blank. " First, I am Trans...", She says. To her greatest amazement, the man replied, " Oh, that's hot". She felt that it's a red flag, indicating that he was only looking for sex that night. But the man later appeared to be a serious guy. Sherry Sylvia says that many cis heterosexual men are really worried about what their families will say, what their friends are saying. But this man who is now her heartthrob didn't give a damn and took her to meet his family. At the early years of her transitioning, Sherry Sylvia often feels she doesn't have an option but to tell his prospective lovers or suitors that she is a trans woman. 

Like it? Share it!

Ariana Grande

About the Author

Ariana Grande
Joined: August 22nd, 2020
Articles Posted: 5

More by this author